I've had a few of you ask me how I've been doing since my last journal
entry, so I figured it was time I write an update on my condition. Unfortunately, the news is not good. I tried Sulfasalazine for awhile but the side effects were highly unpleasant; I switched to mesalamine (which is better but waaaaay more expensive - we're talking $700 a month AFTER insurance), and that seemed to improve things for awhile. Then, last Wednesday, I started feeling sicker, and my health promptly nosedived into agony-land.
I am so, SO sick. The doctors put me on high-dose corticosteroids (don't even TALK to me about the side effects of that shit) as well as mesalamine, but even with the meds this is the sickest I've ever been in my adult life. I'm pale. I'm shaking. I can't eat or sleep, and I'm probably anemic at this point. I almost had to go the ER over the weekend, but I held out because hospitalization is obscenely expensive and my insurance won't cover it all.
Long story short, I am an emotional fucking wreck. 4+ days of debilitating pain, massive loss of blood and fluids, and next to no sleep have left me a hair's breadth away from hysterics. I don't know what to do, you guys. Nothing I've ever experienced in life could've prepared me for this. I don't even feel like a person anymore. Literally ALL I can think about, over and over and over
again, is what I would be willing to do in order to be free of this disease. I just want it to STOP. And yet I hear it over and over again in my head: No cure. No cure. No cure.